Can Cook, Could Marry

The beginning of romance
freaks out friendship more often than no
platonic goes when beast gets its rocks off
these are curves hard to negotiate
the loins of man and woman
the gap hard to bridge
the door half opened
the one no one has locked

Oh for a welcoming lap to rest my head
one lucky poetess would be I
but man is man and that is tragic
conceit and mainly penis is

Ode to the friend indeed,
who never asks for much
there in need, thick and thin
ode to the man or woman,
if ever such existed
they did who were once called mothers

And no soon posted
e mails fly from every continent
even cruise boats in mid passage

A congress of senior citizens dispatches
a petition marked extremely urgent:
We, the undersigned, have age to proof
and smarts brewed from our tested vats
and though we be short on testosterone,
our collective wisdom more than compensates,
for wisdom, Miss, has technique too
we'll soothe your woman's bottom so smooth
you'd think the hand that strokes is demigodic

In briefs, we're 50 horny retirees
you can be the first to own us
a harem of grandfathers, imagine!
stable, pensioned and insured.
could you wish for more!
no risk at all of abuse
of formidable health
our average age 58
none over 92
none with Alzheimer, God forbid
none with venereal disease that's for sure!

Replies Abigail:
How kind of you to want to help.
have given the matter due consideration
If you, fine gentlemen, would --- I'd appreciate
You Fed Ex me at your convenience a lap dog
preferably chihuahua.